Major Iyeswater 
    Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 1:25 pm  Post subject:
    A military view of the Canvey battle tactics.
    The field of battle had been excellently prepared by the Canvey Island Yacht
    Club Members, most proudly flying the piratical “Skull & Crossbones”  on team
    tee-shirts, at first sight it appeared to be a nearly endless stretch on silky      
    smooth slippery mud more suited to trench warfare than a classical naval engagement.
    But as promised the waters approached the eagerly waiting combatants right on
    schedule and 16 Hurricanes launched, right on the published start time, only
    to be confronted with a steady force 4 gusting 5 from the east, which created
    a nasty short confused wave pattern over the shallow racing area that had
    some combatants looking quiet less than eager at first. 

    We had been told that the water would depart the battlefield just as promptly
    as it had arrived, so the Race Committee dispensed with the usual couple of hours
    standing on the bow studiously waiting for the compulsory Windex to remain pointing
    in the same direction for the required half millennium, laid at the Start Line Pin-end
    buoy and the windward marks and got the race underway with the minimum of naval gazing.      

    The gorgeous looking pink 411 boat, resplendent with Gaffer tapped bows, was the first
    to notice that the tide was not only charging directly down the course from the windward
    mark but bent almost 90 degrees in the start area and flowed down the line from the Pin-end
    buoy, taking advantage of this got the jump on the rest of the fleet on the gun by starting
    at the Pin-end, but by cutting it far to close for comfort had to perform a sort of pirouette 
    to avoid touching it and submerged the crew in the process, local “Hardman” Kevin Turner
    on the 374 boat wasted no time to take advantage of their predicament and assumed the
    lead in a most unsporting way. 

    As the first beat progressed it became clear that the Thorpe Bay 467 boat of Nick Elmore
    and Howard Warrington had the required bulk and leverage, because of their outsized
    crew shapes, to power through the waves and overhauled the fleet, even after their
    customary diabolical start! Although the obvious skill and tactical awareness of the
    411 boat pulled them back past #374 they were not able to hang in with #467 who was first
    around the windward mark, the Stone 456 boat of Richard Hanmore and Mathew Gregg had 
    neither the bulk and leverage  nor the skill and tactical awareness but unbelievably managed
    to round in forth just behind #411 & #374. 

    Unfortunately the tide had undone the Race Officers hard work by moving the spacer mark
    some distance 467, 411 & 456 trying to be clever hosted their kites for this this leg, the
    sight of these madly flapping sails accompanied by much screaming and shouting must
    have had the 374 boat busting ribs with laughter? 

    The downwind leg was over in a flash being with the roaring tide but the 374 boat found
    itself one sail short in its locker and rapidly got spat out the back, the moral of the
    story is surely not to go into a street fight with one hand tied behind your back KT!
    The three SX boats remained in the same order despite brilliant sailing by #411 and 
    and cowardly covering by #467, the order remained this way to the finish with the gaps
    between them widening then closing again depending on which leg the boats were on.     

    There were of course other boats in their own individual battles however the outcome
    of these is not known nor frankly considered relevant to this report either. 

    Races 2 &3 went much the same way as race 1 however in race 3 #456 finished in 
    front of #411 who had a most uncharacteristic bad start after being general
    recalled TWICE whilst being in the most commanding position possible and surely
    wasn’t over the line himself – unlike most of his closest competitors who
    clearly were. 

    The boats returned to shore and moored on the croquette lawn overnight, the water
    disappeared over the horizon again revealing the true beauty of Paradise Isle – If
    there ain’t any water to sail on then the only thing to do is DRINK. Canvey provide
    the evening meal with a free bottle of wine, then more drinking accompanied  by a
    live band, then more drinking by some - until when at 4am the water had returned and
    the “Skinny Dipping” got underway! 

    On Sunday with the water not returning till 1pm the croquette lawn was used as the
    site of an impromptu kiss and tell by the likes of Andy Webb and Kevin Turner on
    the best ways to rig, tune and sail a Hurricane 59. These late starts on a Sunday
    are surely a most social way to organise racing, even the 4am’ers were able to recover
    and go out for battle again in a now much more sensible force 1-2. 

    The 411 boat took the lead from the start only to be troubled by upstarts on the
    137 boat on several occasions, would you Adam & Eve it, even at times taking the lead
    from that enormously skilful and talented 411 boat, #137 stayed 2nd to the end holding
    off the #467 who had been aided and abetted by the lightweight brothers  Kev & Trev
    and the 456 boat and allowed to come third so that it was now numerically impossible for
    #411 to beat #467 or be beaten by anybody else either so they left the battlefield in a
    right huff! 

    The last race got underway with the 456 boat showing what they could really do in
    light airs, halfway around the course the 467 boat finally managed to do the maths
    #411 to the beach, frankly you would have imagined that two and followed people with
    the requisite income to so vulgarly display that many black shiny Germanic “Pimp-mobiles”
    in the Canvey RV Park should have been able to work this out sooner? 

    Talking of the Canvey RV Park, all combatants were provided with the now customary
    free electric hook-ups, and shower blocks free of charge for the weekend event! 
    Burgers and Hotdogs on a BBQ were also supplied FOC to assist with packing the boats away at
    the completion of the event. 

    Hurricane 59 Chairman Nick Elmore on lifting the first prize trophy commented that if “Carlsberg did
    Hurricane 59 TT’s - They wouldn’t do any better than Canvey had” and he was surely correct with even free
    bouncy castle, treasure hunt and face painting for the little brats people insist 
    on bring to these events as well! So if you weren’t there, why not? And quite
    frankly I figure it was your loss anyway! 

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